Not Without Me
by princessg101
Summary: My first Destiel. Set during the first episode and continuing from Flash of Light. Cas and Dean at long last put everything out there.


Not Without Me

 **A/N: Hey guys, so this is definitely Destiel and it's my first official one so I would appreciate the feedback. I want to say it now, flames shall be used to cook burgers and pies then promptly disregarded so feel free to leave them but don't expect me to lose sleep over it. Also this is a continuation for Flash of Light and based on the premiere but no real spoilers to be had. P.S. All due respect to Misha and the show but I prefer C-A-S. Now that's out of the way, ENJOY! R &R PLZ! **

It was shaping up to be one of _those_ car rides, the ones with heavy, impregnable silence. Dean kept alternating his gaze between his mother and the angel seated beside him. Mary was still coping and he hoped that once things calmed down they'd be able to help her properly. It was probably hard enough for her to come back after 33 years but add Sam being kidnapped… He'd come back from the dead after a year and the instant submersion into drama did not help at all. Right now she was asleep so that meant Dean could turn his attention to Castiel. The angel had been oddly quiet, not even pressing for details about how he was alive now that they had some time. Dean cleared his throat, "Cas?"

"Yes Dean?" was the short reply.

"You should know," he said gruffly. "Chuck and Amara, they're fine. They made peace with one another and they're off reconciling somewhere. Chuck was the one who removed the souls from me and I guess he sent them to the afterlife."

"I see," were Cas's only words.

"That's it?" Dean pressed.

"I'm pleased that things turned out for the best and that my Father is alive." Cas hadn't looked at him once and Dean became worried. Something was wrong. He knew Cas like he knew himself and – pushing aside looking further into that, already knowing what he'd find there – he was sure that there was something on Castiel's mind.

"Okay what's going on with you? Talk to me man," Dean chanced a glance back, Mary was still fast asleep.

"I would have thought it was obvious. I failed you Dean, you had one request of me, to look after Sam. I lasted hours."

"This was not your fault," Dean shook his head. "You couldn't know she was there and then you were blasted away. I saw the sigil. There's wasn't anything you could have done. Whatever these people want, we'll handle it just like we always have, together, as a family." Cas gave a snort and Dean was disbelieving, "You don't think we can do this?"

"It's not that," Cas's tone had taken on a bitter quality that Dean did not like one bit. "Yes we handle everything together unless you want to go die and martyr yourself. That's doesn't require discussion or thought. You just up and decided that you could go without thinking about who you were leaving behind."

"I was the only one who could get close enough to Amara to do it," Dean argued.

"You didn't have to go alone though, I wanted to come."

"We didn't know that I'd survive at the time, I was going to die and take out everything around me, you would've been gone too."

"Doesn't change anything for me," Cas muttered.

"Oh so you're okay with both of us dying then huh? What about Sam? What good would it have done?"

"About as much as good as it did me surviving apparently. Dean," Cas's voice cracked. "I couldn't even make it a day -"

"It wasn't your fault!"

"Without you!" Cas growled and Dean was stunned into silence. "I couldn't function properly for a day with you Dean. It was common sense; I should've sensed someone there the moment we walked into the Bunker. Every single time I go it alone, I screw up and need you to help me fix it. I. NEED. YOU." Cas dragged in a breath, "I've been following you for years and when you were gone, however briefly, I lost my direction, I always do."

"Cas," Dean said hoarsely, he wasn't ready for this, ready to hear what he thought he never would. "You don't need me. Team Free Will remember?"

Cas made a noise in the back of his throat, "Fine then I _chose_ to follow you and now I don't know what else is there. Does that make it better somehow?"

"No I guess it doesn't," Dean admitted quietly.

"Dean I need you." Cas repeated with such conviction that it caused a sharp pain in Dean's heart. "You took yourself away from me. Next time, because I know there will be a next time, you're not going anywhere. Not without me. Please…"

"Cas I know how you feel, I really do," Dean wet his lips. Time to nut up or shut up and near death experiences had a way of convincing you of the former. "When I watched you walk into that lake and never come up, I wanted to dive in and get you myself. I would have followed you. I needed you, still do." Cas turned to stare at him. "You took yourself away from me too man so this is going have to be a two-way street. You don't go anywhere without me either."

"Agreed," Cas and Dean nodded together. They were silent for a long moment, "Dean?"

"Yeah Cas?"

"Are we still brothers?"

Dean blew out a breath. He had hit his emotional limit and could definitely forego the labels for a day or two. "I think we're something else to be honest."

"I suspected as much," Cas stared out the window. "What exactly…"

"I don't know."

"But-"

"I don't know what we are exactly," Dean interrupted. "But, after we get Sam, we're going to figure out." Dean's jaw worked, his mind in overdrive with all the possibilities but in a moment of 'screw it!', he took one hand from the wheel and squeezed Cas's briefly before returning in a flash. "Together."

"Together," Cas concurred and they lapsed into a far more comfortable if not a little awkward silence.

In the back, Mary cracked an eye open blearily. She had awoken at Cas's outburst and now smirked slightly to herself. "Knew it," she whispered under the hum of the engine, settling to go back to sleep. "After that hug? 'Friend' my ass."

 **A/N: GAH THE EMOTIONALLY-CONSTIPATED RAMBLINGS OF TWO DUNDERHEADS! Sorry, trying to even remotely get these boys into character AND have them discuss their feelings is damn near impossible. Yes, I resorted to the 'I need you' and I regret nothing. Anyways Happy End-of-Hellatus! Until next time, ENJOY! R &R PLZ! **


End file.
